My name is Fred, I’m a 37 year old divorced devoted father of two wonderful daughters Kristina 15 and Heidi 11..
Here is the nuts and bolts of the problem.. This past summer my ex-wife denied me supervised visits out of state with my two daughters. My fiance Jeni was more than willing to do the supervision here where I live.
My ex says it’s illegal for me to see my kids where I live yet she was going to fly them down at her expense to their grandparents in FL this past summer.. Then when she was stopped from doing that she had the kids go on summer outings with her sister.
I on several occasions attempted to invite my ex to come down to bring the kids down to where i live. The girls however would’ve stayed with me and my fiance during their visit.
Isn’t it ironic that our society has no problem in having us males risk our lives to protect the women and children of our country but that we are not worthy of having normal relationships with our children. The event of September 11th was indeed tragic and many men (as well as women) have been called to duty, but do you think that if they truly knew what our courts thought of them do you think these men would continue with the fight?
I know that if I were in their situation, I would tell them “no thanks” – if you think my only value is a paycheck to my ex or for my children then you (the country) are not worthy of my support to defend you. I am just as worthy of loving my children as is their mother. The courts should eliminate support in favor of making sure that the children receive UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from BOTH parents. This will NEVER happen as long as the bs about support is alive.
Yes this does sound extreme but maybe it is time that the courts realized fathers are important.
Something interesting has been brought to my attention since entering this twisted legal system. It cannot be denied that a male, standing before a judge attempting to get custody of his children, is immediately at a disadvantage. Could this be considered a violation of our basic Civil Right to equal protection under the law?
I mean if ANY legal decision was based solely on the litigant being a woman, a minority, disabled, or homosexual, the ACLU would be up in arms, and it would be the top story on CNN.
Is there way to force the courts to recognize that we are entitled to fair treatment? Perhaps one of those ridiculous lawsuits (such as suing McDonalds for the coffee being hot) would bring our cause to the front?
I would be willing to spearhead such a drive, if there was any interest. My Email is listed on my profile, drop me a line. There is strength in numbers, we shall overcome!
In most states, unless you agree to pay more, you are responsible for only 6 years of back support, I believe. Look this up. If this is true, don’t sign anything. It would be in the laws of the state where your ex lives.(family law) Also, if she was on welfare at anytime that you were paying her support, she would be in trouble for not reporting it to the state.
As a rule they have to collect from you not her. If she was collecting from you, she wasn’t reporting it. You should be able to get the number of the fraud unit on the state human services page. In my state, they only keep welfare records three years, unless fraud is suspected. If you call they will ask you questions about whether she is cohabitating, what kind of car does she drive, is she living with anyone, where do they work, things like that.
I know that what you are going through is one of the hardest things you will ever face I know as I have been there. Thank God I had her mother and Father who backed me all the way and still do. If you do have her parents backing try to have her committed for a substance abuse evaluation.
This will help a lot. Use the Department of Human Services I know they are slow but if you can prove to them whats happening they can be a tremendous help.
My “soon-to-be-ex” has drug dealers living in the house (Not a bitter ex-husband, I have spoken to the police about these people), my son can describe her drug paraphernalia, in detail, and she has hit my daughter in the face so hard, her nose bled. My kids also ALWAYS have head lice when they I pick them up.
It has almost become a ritual: Daddy picks them up, we drive to the store and buy the treatment, we spend two hours treating and combing out nits. Yet the judge feels she is the best parent. I asked MY lawyer about it, he stated that because I had the children taken out of the state, she was given custody. I only had them taken out of state after she threatened, in front of a police officer, to kill me, and my mother. The officer suggested that she have them during the week, and I have them on the weekend. She replied, “If i get them back, he will never see them again.”
When they WERE taken out of state, it was to a Denver CO, where they spent a week rock climbing and playing with my brother, then for 2 weeks to Philadelphia, where they visited, for the first time, their dying great grandmother, and also saw the Liberty Bell, and Independence Hall, as well as a trip to the ocean, which they had never seen. We are men in the ONLY time in history that it is bad to be a man!!!
I am currently in the midst of a vicious divorce. My wife was unfaithful (lets leave it at that), I attempted marriage counseling, she refused to stop seeing her boyfriend. I filed for a no fault divorce. At the time, she had possesion of the children, and I was stopping by to see them or talking to them by phone everyday. I visited them when she allowed, a situation which she used to her advantage, denying me visitation when she felt like it. When i told her I was filing for divorce, she attempted to kill herself. Her mother took the children to the Emergency room at 2 in the morning.
Sorry, I have three children, a 9 year old girl, and 8 year old boy, and a 3 year old boy. I took possession of them in the ER and they stayed with me for three days. Her mother requested that she have a visitation, so I said okay and dropped them off for one. When i returned to pick them up, she refused to give them to me, and had the police barr me from the property. She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and has all manner of people living in the house, including underage delinquents and drug dealers. I picked up the children one day to take them for ice cream, and 10 minutes after leaving with them, the police were at my door, stating that she told them I had kidnapped the children.
We went to the police station, on the way, she attempted to ram my car with hers, and while INSIDE the police station, she threatened to kill me, in front of the officer. She was arrested, charged with Domestic Violence, Threats, and I was told to take my children home. I was scared enough that I told my mother, who was visiting from out of state, to take the children on a small vacation for a few weeks, until either we went to court, or the children had to go to school. I was in contact by telephone EVERYDAY they were away. Their mother NEVER made any attempt to speak to or contact them or me for three weeks. I testified to all of this during the Temporary Orders hearing, in front of a female judge (I know the deck was stacked against me).
My ex was given our house, with all contents, the new car, possession of the children, $660 in child support, and 400 in Spousal support.
Now, my problem. I picked up my children for my bi weekly visitation on Friday. My 8 year old son was in the back seat talking to his sister about “Mommy and her drugs”. When we got to my house, I sat him down and questioned him about this. He proceeded to describe Mommy’s water pipe, and the smell, “You know, that pot smell…” He stated that he has seen the paraphernalia, and even a, “…little box, with some brown stuff in it, Mommy keeps it in the car…” I was so upset, I almost cried. Okay, I DID cry.
I called Child Protective Services and made a report. My question is, has anyone else had any similar experiences with the Family Court in Texas? Is there ANYTHING I can do? It has been suggested that I hire a Private Investigator, but my funds are limited, as she is getting half my paycheck. I would appreciate any help you could offer.
I have had five lawyers on mine. One said, “Just Pay!” In my case, a toughie between three states, most were not sufficiently up with interstate matters.
I personally did most of the legwork doing hours of driving and ferrying between jurisdictions.
I got a notebook with those clear plastic thingies that you slip paper into and put every paper (motion affidavits etc.) by state into it. I pored over each states law, Federal Title 28 and UIFSA. I printed up all pertinent laws for reference and while waiting the many hours in court, shared some of the laws with other combatants. Another important things to consider is looking at the courts civil rules of procedure.
I used to think that all lawyers were intelligent, and now I know there are stellar lawyers and goofs. It is a mixed bag. Make sure you are organized and know as much as possible so you can stick up for yourself. I spent hours and hours falling asleep on the computer keyboard reading and plenty of time at the library. It is a must…
I’am an airline mechanic for a major airline facing possible layoff.I would like to know if I do get layed off income loss what can I do to adjust child support payment.
I’m sure there are many fathers in the same boat as I’m do I have to hire an attorney and go back through the court system I am living in Arizona.
Thanks for any help you can offer,
Your local family court is fine provided the other party lives in the same state and district, otherwise you have to go where the original stipulation was made, or the family court where the child/children are.
The families of many of the dead fathers will be hit with a second set of grief. The men killed in Tuesday’s tragedy, who owe child support, are still required to make those payments. Their families will be receiving child enforcement papers, some time in the future, informing them to show cause why their assets should not be seized to pay the obligation.
We had a case in Missouri where two years after the death of her son, a mother was still getting served with papers demanding to know how she was supporting the man’s two older children from his first deceased wife. Any money that she was getting as a result of his death was to be paid directly, and only, to his ex-wife to cover unpaid child support since his death as a result of a fire.
I’m now waiting for the first calls from second wives or parents, who have been informed that a child support order must still be obeyed, regardless of the fact that the father of the children is dead.